Roy Blount Jr. Quotes

Photo of Roy Blount Jr., writer, actor, reporter, and musician

Roy Blount Jr. Quotes

An American writer and humorist, Roy Blount Jr. is also an actor, reporter, and musician with the “Rock Bottom Remainders,” a rock band composed entirely of his fellow writers including Steven King, Dave Barry, Matt Groening and Amy Tan. He is featured regularly as a panelist on the NPR news & comedy quiz show, Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me. On the show, Blount frequently reduces the panel to hysterics with his bizarre statements and answers to questions.

He has appeared on A Prairie Home Companion frequently (Garrison Keilor has said, “Roy Blount’s stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door.”), and on the CBS Morning ShowTonight ShowDavid Letterman ShowGood Morning AmericaToday Show, Larry King & Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.

Image: Photo of Roy Blount Jr., writer, actor, reporter, and musician

“If a cat spoke, it would say things like “Hey, I don’t see the problem here.”

“A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but cat’s eyes don’t even look entirely warm-blooded to me, whereas a dog’s eyes look human except less guarded. A dog will look at you as if to say, “What do you want me to do for you? I’ll do anything for you.” Whether a dog can in fact, do anything for you if you don’t have sheep (I never have) is another matter. The dog is willing.”

  “A good heavy book holds you down. It’s an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.”

“Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th.”

“I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died.”

– Roy Blount Jr.  (1941- )

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